Game

Dear God, are you playing with me? When at long last I gathered up all my courage to face it, you put an obstacle in front of me. Timing problem is it? Well, sorry about my timing, I don't have much courage (despite people think that I do, maybe my acting is good for Oscar, haha..) and to finally persuade myself to do it, I need HUGE courage and determination, so I took quite some time, I know. But if you keep make me delay, I can't hold my courage any longer. I know I have been the one who have been delaying it for so damn long, so now you are punishing me is it? I want to cry, but cannot, because once I start crying, I know I would have lost it. Like a tap being turned. And the courage would leave me.

I'm tired. Gathering courage is not easy for me, mentally I am exhausted. Physically will be affected by the mental, so I guess it won't be long the physical gets tired. Why? WHY? Why when I finally able to bring myself to do it, something will stop me. I don't know what I should do anymore. Give up? No, I MUST NOT even think about giving up, or else the courage will leave me again. I've been chicken-hearted for so long, I WAS glad that I finally decided to face it. But oh no, you just HAD to pour water on me.

Try again? Would you stop me again this time?

My life = A game = A drama = A joke = A toy


PS. Sorry, please don't ask me what is the thing I'm talking about. Nobody but only me will know. Nobody.