Friday, June 13, 2008


It's Friday. 2 hours lunch break. Was feeling down in the beginning of the day. Heard about colleagues talking about Friday lunch yesterday. Was blur. Asked a colleague more about it. He told me about the colleagues were planning Fri lunch, he didn't know nobody ask me. But he is 98% not going. LOL. Most of the seniors I am close with are not going. Wondered why. Probe for more info. It's to celebrate 2 of the colleagues birthday. Sigh. Thought about what to do for my lunch break if not follow seniors, which I've been doing after stopped following the other trainees. (Can't blame me lah, mamak food is not my kind of food, especially if the maggi goreng is so not tasty at all). During today's breakfast, the colleague (whom I asked about the lunch) said I can join also lah. But I feel that if I follow just like that, later I would feel like an uninvited guest lor. Furthermore, those I'm close with are not going. Colleague scold me. Said I should mix with other people also, not just them. And it's not they purposely didn't ask me want to join or not, it's because I don't have (company) email account.

After breakfast, go back to desk. The colleague sitting next to me ask me want to join them lunch or not. ^_^ Make me quite happy. LOL. But still worried. Those who go, most I don't know one. (Because I never had a formal introduction to everyone, that's why sometimes I feel that my existence here is unknown, invisible) But decided to join, after all, the (previous) colleague is right, I should grab this chance to know more people. But with this 'only-talk-when-I-am-talked-to' attitude of mine, I hardly can hope much. Then they add me into their (MSN lah) group chat. I had a hard time restraining from laughing out loud. They are very funny.

So, on the way to lunch, got to know the driver of the car that I tumpang. Also USM CS grad. Somehow, I don't know why, if I found out that someone is also from USM CS, I feel more comfortable talking to her/him. Maybe because CS seniors is seniors, lol.. I have this silly presumption, seniors are different from adults. LOL. Then I feel I can talk to them without feeling like I am a kiddo. Actually I am an adult also. But I don't feel I'm any different than last year. Still an immature, chicken-hearted, childish, blur kid. Hahaha.. Anyway, I'm glad I join the lunch. Even if I was a bit uncomfortable before the food comes. Because I'm sitting opposite the supervisor (not mine, but still a supervisor pangkat lah).
I kept silent, only listen to what all of them say. But couldn't fully blame me also lor. All speak in Hokkien. I just can understand a bit. Felt like an outcast. But still, I feel that now more people realize my existence. Hahaha.. So no regrets.

My, my... I am really a very insecure person who like to over-think about something so trivial like this. What to do? I'm just not good in socializing. I know, it's a terrible excuse. Hopefully I'm progressing? Hehehe...

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

L0v3 resolution part2

Love: Realized something important after a long, hard thinking and reflection. OK lah, something happened before that. Maybe I misunderstood a certain someone's signals and hints, but that is not important anymore. I have finally realized that I am at a stage where I couldn't stay in love with a person for long. I felt so wrong, using the excuse that that someone is not my cup of tea, it's like saying that person is at fault. But now I know, it's me. It's me who have problem. I don't think I'm mature enough to be in a relationship. The period between falling in love and falling out of love for me currently super damn short. Hahaha... I develop crushes as easy as snapping a finger. Hahaha... OK lah, that is exaggerated. LOL. So instead of risking hurting other people's feelings (and mine also, of course. Hehe..), I think it's better for me to stay single and available.

That's all for tonight.. Again, I didn't achieve my goal of sleeping early... Hahaha... Oh well... sometimes socializing is not that bad lah, plus got food to eat also.. lol.. (Went to eat green bean soup cooked by Song Yeow ^^) Good night...

Monday, June 09, 2008

L0v3 Resolution

*hugs X 100*
Long time no write! Until FINALLY a fan of my blog miss me so MUCH that he start to complain. LOL... Didn't you know? I was waiting for someone to admit that he/she miss reading my posts. HAHAAHA...

OK lah, it's my laziness again. Just like what s0hp0h commented, after work, feel tired, go to sleep, wake up, go to work, after work, feel tired, go to sleep, w.. You get the point. But it's a pathetic excuse. So, let's get down to business. Let's talk about me, me and ME. LOL..

Work: Pretty good. The graph have gradually rise up from the pit bottom(if you read my previous post, you'll understand). I think I've begun to adapt to the environment. I don't mind having tasks actually (because it is so damn boring if I just sit there with nothing to do but have to pretend I have something to do XD) and I feel that every task is an opportunity for me to learn something. Might not be relevant to my studies, but still useful. Anyway, so far so good lah. I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful to my seniors as well. Somehow I prefer to refer my colleagues as seniors, not sure why, maybe is because most of them are CS seniors (CS students from USM who have already graduated). So they don't seem old to me. Hahahaha...

Social: Pretty good also. Weekends go out for dinner, movies, etc. Saturday go eat home-cooked lunch at upstairs neighbor's place. Haha.. Last weekend went to Poh Ying's brother's wedding dinner. It was fun! I haven't been to a friend's wedding (albeit is actually her brother's) so it was really nice. Went with Soo Ling, Chia Shin they all.

Love: To be continued. I need to sleep or else I'll be drowsy all day long at work tomorrow. Actually, I am always feeling drowsy regardless I sleep early or late. Hahahaha....