Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Am I too greedy?

Am I too greedy? 'Why I could be content?' is something I badly want to scold myself for. I just want things to be like usual, you know. Yea, I know changes is inevitable but I am trying to adapt, just need more time than other normal people. Life cannot be static, yea, I've long realized that... but it seems I still can't fully accept it.. More importantly is why I still being upset over petty, trivial stuff.. Could it be PMS that distorts the small issues??? No, no, I'm giving excuses again.. to deny how selfish I am. How I always think about me, me, ME. How I get upset over things that only concern my own happiness.

But is it so wrong to wish for a holiday where I can do what I want, eat what I want, sleep as long as I want? I know it's not like I won't get another holiday, but it's only the one that I'll get for this semester because after next semester, for my long holiday, I'll be WORKING. That's right. Well, it's not that I haven't worked before. But this is my industrial training. And I'm really really not sure what I've been studying at school will be sufficient for me in the dog-eat-dog world. Trust me, it's really a "big box of chocolate" out there. You'll never know what you'll get.

Alright, so I admit, I'm worried about the training. Plus the part where I have to choose which company and the nerve-wracking, nail-biting, sweat-pouring interviews. So I thought that this holiday will be spent ahem, recklessly. Hahaha.. My ass. is the only thing that is getting recklessly bigger.

Niece is staying over. Not that unusual. But this time, she'll be here until my WHOLE holiday is over. so much for some peaceful timeout. There goes the hours that I planned to play the laptop too. Plus, she's joining my return to Penang. Mum and Dad drive me back every new semester. Right now I'm having urges to tell them that I'll ride the bus back this time. Too bad the hotel room has been confirmed. And even though I'm thinking of going back by bus, I really want them to drive me back. Because it's hard to go back after a holiday at home. Yea, I still haven't got over my homesickness, so sue me. Though, the long bus trip kinda bored me a bit.

The fact that I'm having the shortest holiday AGAIN (among my friends) pissed me off too. So much for a holiday.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Bad week

Yep, I'm back from my hibernation. Finished exams. Had a short trip to my coursemates' houses at S. Perai, Ipoh and played host at my house too. Gained a few kilos from the Ipoh food tour.

I'm glad to be home. But lately, life is so f*cked up that it's not even funny. I guess primarily it is due to my inability to adapt to changes. Oh yea, I haven't blog anything about the wedding. Oh, the whole thing went quite well despite the fact that I'm not really suited for the "host" role. I'm better as a "guest" usually. Haha.. Less work. I'll post some photos up, but don't get your hope high. It could be awhile before I get my hands on them. Because I forgot to charge the battery beforehand, so I left all the photo-taking to the pro. XD

Let's not get side-tracked. A new member of the family in my house. Whoopee. Last time wasn't so bad. After all, Sister and Bro in-law moved to their new house, so I get to keep her room. Hahaha.. Well, this time.. Exchanging my big wardrobe (OK, it's not that big, but the biggest in the house anyway) with Bro's wardrobe sucks. Hearing Mum says I'm going to get it back when we move really really sucks. I mean, you take it away from me and use it, THEN you throw it back to me??? I know the wardrobe belonged to Sis and was handed down to me, so I wasn't the first owner, but this is different. I didn't return it back to Sis after I used it, did I??

OK, OK, I still can tolerate it without saying a word. So, they get the master bedroom WITH the toilet (my favorite toilet, by the way). (At first) I didn't realize that means I couldn't use that toilet anymore.. Bugger. Fine, fine. Take it, TAKE IT. Go ahead, take all that you want, why don't you? Better do it in one go, slowly killing me is boiling my blood.

Even my line got taken. Oh no. This crossed the line. I can't take it any longer. If I don't find a way to release the anger, I'll burst out anytime. *punching the wall*

Enough about that. There are something else too. My application for swimming as my co-curricular activity for next semester failed. I know it's a very very tiny stuff to get disappointed about. But getting this news when I'm already dealing with the issues above, it felt like a big blow.

Plus, having bugged by someone who couldn't decide whether her ex cheated on her or not, irritates me more. I mean, I spent so much effort trying to answer your questions thoughtfully and as wisely as I can (after all, I have no experience whatsoever) and yet your reply is something that a person, who is very determined to stay "in love" regardless what he did wrong, would say. This is an example of letting emotions controlling you mind. Scary. I wonder why she is so afraid of becoming single again. Kinda feel like an insult to single people out there (like me). Ah, why do I care anyway. Had enough of being tactful this time. Go ahead, criticize me. I'm an evil, cold-hearted old maid. Yea yea, I haven't been dumped in love before, so I don't understand. Not my fault, you know. No, wait, it maybe my fault. I'm a fat, couch potato slob who talk and laugh loudly everywhere, a "four-eyed" computer nerd (sort of, for my studies anyway XD) who likes manga and anime and a hopeless sucker for K-dramas and J-dramas (oh, and chocolates too XD), not exactly an attractive partner for love, eh?