Game

Dear God, are you playing with me? When at long last I gathered up all my courage to face it, you put an obstacle in front of me. Timing problem is it? Well, sorry about my timing, I don't have much courage (despite people think that I do, maybe my acting is good for Oscar, haha..) and to finally persuade myself to do it, I need HUGE courage and determination, so I took quite some time, I know. But if you keep make me delay, I can't hold my courage any longer. I know I have been the one who have been delaying it for so damn long, so now you are punishing me is it? I want to cry, but cannot, because once I start crying, I know I would have lost it. Like a tap being turned. And the courage would leave me.

I'm tired. Gathering courage is not easy for me, mentally I am exhausted. Physically will be affected by the mental, so I guess it won't be long the physical gets tired. Why? WHY? Why when I finally able to bring myself to do it, something will stop me. I don't know what I should do anymore. Give up? No, I MUST NOT even think about giving up, or else the courage will leave me again. I've been chicken-hearted for so long, I WAS glad that I finally decided to face it. But oh no, you just HAD to pour water on me.

Try again? Would you stop me again this time?

My life = A game = A drama = A joke = A toy


PS. Sorry, please don't ask me what is the thing I'm talking about. Nobody but only me will know. Nobody.

Weakened but better...

I better post something or else you would think I'm still sick. Hahahaha... I'm much better, thanks to sinseh and chinese herbal medicines. Luckily I went home last weekend despite having to rush my assignments. With Mom and Dad's nursing, I'm back to healthy me again, albeit still weak and prone to headaches. And I'm rushing my assignments. Hahaha... Did nothing last weekend, lie on sofa, watch Astro. Feel so guilty to my groupmates. Pai seh, and thanks a lot for taking over my part of task! Thank you for being understanding. Fever is no play play, plus vomit is painful. So now actually is curi-ing tulang from my work to blog. Hahaha...

Actually I have loads to blog about sometimes. It's just that some content is for some eyes only. Hahahaha.. Yea, I want to bitch about people. Hahahahaha... So, today is just to drop by to say hi, thanks for still checking my blog! Especially s0hp0h and wwh. Talking about update, woi, wwh, you also no update long time ar. Hahaha...

Sometimes I wonder how true a friend can be? How sincere? How can one be called a true friend? Hmm.. next post maybe I'll continue this.. back to work now..


PS. I miss home...

Ill & paranoid

Again I've not blog for awhile. Haha... What's happening in my life that make me so lazy busy to blog? Well, same old same old stuff. Just that this semester I don't have final exams. *unenthusiastically* Yay. What's so great about no exams? Projects and thesis sucks. Because I'm a lazy, unmotivated, lost-without-directions/orders person. Haha. And oh, I have to stay here for the project during semester break. >_< Give me a break, I had no long hols since last year. :(

And oh, I've been having this sore throat for so damn long that I'm starting to become paranoid and think that I might caught something that is incurable. @_@ That makes me even more scared and anxious. Which makes me hard to get a good sleep at night. Because my mind would start thinking about how impossible can become possible and the more I worry, the more frustrated I become and I don't feel like doing my project and paper. I'm pathetic. Blogging about this makes me look more pathetic. Health is wealth, if I can have a next life, I hope I'll remember to take care of my health WAAAY younger.

Is it the pills or my sickness comes with sleepiness, lethargy? Or is it just the lazy me? Hahaha... I don't know what to think anymore. If I can, I don't want to think anymore. But I couldn't. Why I can't be like others who are happy-go-lucky??? Because I think that ignorance is just temporary bliss...


PS. I wish Blogger have password-protected feature. Then I can complain about some people being so lovey-dovey that I have to avoid watching them so that I won't get goosebumps... ;P Or maybe this illness is making me sensitive to it. Hahaha...