Lunchy

It's Friday. 2 hours lunch break. Was feeling down in the beginning of the day. Heard about colleagues talking about Friday lunch yesterday. Was blur. Asked a colleague more about it. He told me about the colleagues were planning Fri lunch, he didn't know nobody ask me. But he is 98% not going. LOL. Most of the seniors I am close with are not going. Wondered why. Probe for more info. It's to celebrate 2 of the colleagues birthday. Sigh. Thought about what to do for my lunch break if not follow seniors, which I've been doing after stopped following the other trainees. (Can't blame me lah, mamak food is not my kind of food, especially if the maggi goreng is so not tasty at all). During today's breakfast, the colleague (whom I asked about the lunch) said I can join also lah. But I feel that if I follow just like that, later I would feel like an uninvited guest lor. Furthermore, those I'm close with are not going. Colleague scold me. Said I should mix with other people also, not just them. And it's not they purposely didn't ask me want to join or not, it's because I don't have (company) email account.

After breakfast, go back to desk. The colleague sitting next to me ask me want to join them lunch or not. ^_^ Make me quite happy. LOL. But still worried. Those who go, most I don't know one. (Because I never had a formal introduction to everyone, that's why sometimes I feel that my existence here is unknown, invisible) But decided to join, after all, the (previous) colleague is right, I should grab this chance to know more people. But with this 'only-talk-when-I-am-talked-to' attitude of mine, I hardly can hope much. Then they add me into their (MSN lah) group chat. I had a hard time restraining from laughing out loud. They are very funny.

So, on the way to lunch, got to know the driver of the car that I tumpang. Also USM CS grad. Somehow, I don't know why, if I found out that someone is also from USM CS, I feel more comfortable talking to her/him. Maybe because CS seniors is seniors, lol.. I have this silly presumption, seniors are different from adults. LOL. Then I feel I can talk to them without feeling like I am a kiddo. Actually I am an adult also. But I don't feel I'm any different than last year. Still an immature, chicken-hearted, childish, blur kid. Hahaha.. Anyway, I'm glad I join the lunch. Even if I was a bit uncomfortable before the food comes. Because I'm sitting opposite the supervisor (not mine, but still a supervisor pangkat lah).
I kept silent, only listen to what all of them say. But couldn't fully blame me also lor. All speak in Hokkien. I just can understand a bit. Felt like an outcast. But still, I feel that now more people realize my existence. Hahaha.. So no regrets.

My, my... I am really a very insecure person who like to over-think about something so trivial like this. What to do? I'm just not good in socializing. I know, it's a terrible excuse. Hopefully I'm progressing? Hehehe...