Enlighten

Guess what woke me up today? A phone call! I jumped up from bed thinking "Shit! I'm late!" because the coursemates who stay at my hostel and I will wait and walk to school together and if anyone is late, we'll call them.

But, a surprise was waiting me, plus making me super wide awake. The caller was my niece. Sobbing on the phone, I couldn't hear properly what is wrong with her. After some soothing words (got to have some skills lah, I'm an aunt for TWO cute nieces and ONE handsome nephew what^^), I managed to get the gist of what is wrong. She didn't finish her homework, so, scared about going to school. The reason why she didn't finish them during the weekend can wait. Right at the moment, finding the solution fast would be the highest priority. Since I'm in Penang (obviously I couldn't go to her right away, plus she study in a Chinese school and I'm a banana XD), I called Dad and ask him and Mom to go there ASAP. Then called back my niece to tell her Grandpa and Grandma is coming so don't cry anymore.

Don't know why this small incident compelled me to blog it down. Or why I feel happy. No, I don't take pleasure in other people's misery. Maybe her call reminds me that I am needed. And my call to my parents reminds me I still have people who loves me. It makes me feel ALIVE. And suddenly my world don't seem so blue anymore. I guess I've been feeling blue for the wrong dilemma. My "personal adviser" is right, the more I want to distance myself away, the more deeper my feelings grow (which is the opposite of what I wanted!!). So I should just carry on as usual than avoid the problem.

And this little morning incident reminds me that I should be grateful because I AM loved and I love them! Maybe it's just not the right time for me to have the "other" kind of love at this moment probably. I might not be able to handle it now anyway. So, I'll just let destiny and fate to do their works. In the meantime, I'll be there to wipe the tears of anyone who needs me and also as the listening shoulder.

Bluish

What I wanted to hear is "What's wrong?". Not "Cheer up!". Not any other words...

I'm feeling the blues today. The only logical reason I can provide is that since one of my big projects has executed successfully yesterday (Thank you for all those who came! Your presence is most appreciated!), so the blues is filling up the void left after the project's worries is gone. I couldn't think of other reason. *shrug*

So, the musics today is all blues... Which make me feel more blue. It's a vicious cycle. But I'm just not in the mood for any uplifting music.

Grey or sunny, I still got other reports to hand in. Let's hope someone will come and blow away my blues ASAP. Who am I kidding? Myself.

A little soul-baring

Being a listener is not easy. I'm not boasting (why would I boast about it?), just that I have been a listener for a few friends and although I give calm and objective advice, I frequently find that I couldn't give advice for my own situations. Ha, ironic right? I think so too. I'm not looking for any pity or sympathy from you, I really just feel why I can listen to people but I don't have much listeners. I don't mean I don't have friends that I can trust but I just don't feel like burdening them with my problems (since I know how burdensome it can be being a listener, not that I'm complaining).

Today I'm inspired by the very funny but honest conversations with a very cool friend to have a little soul-baring. She might not know it, but she made me realize a very important lesson; sharing both your joy and sorrow with others is much better than bottling them inside you. But, let's take baby steps and uncork my bottle a tiny little bit? Haha...

Hmm... I really couldn't help but wonder why. Why do I keep falling for guys that are not available (single, but unavailable). I don't mean the 'fall deep deep, head-over-heels' kind of thing, just some mild feelings. Hmm, why mild? Because I will held back myself. Because I know it's impossible. Because I will build a wall in my heart. I don't mean I'll avoid them or anything. Just that there will always be a limit. A boundary. A distance. No matter how much I enjoy conversing with them or having their company, I'll always stop myself from doing or saying anything or showing any emotions that will hint any of my hidden feelings. Instead of being infatuated, I become a buddy. Am I a bad person? Hiding my feelings, kind of feel like two-facedness. But what else can I do? I don't "steal" from other's belonging. I believe that if you steal something today, you will lost something else tomorrow. I'll stick to my principle, so thanks but no thanks. Having another buddy is better than being in a triangle situation. Or maybe I'll get rejected anyway. So, I guess it's true, Cancerian have hard shells on the outside, but is actually soft and weak inside. I guess the shell HAS to be hard in order to be able protect the inside. I may look strong, but I may be weak inside. (I was a crybaby when I was small, no wait, I think I am still a crybaby. XD)

But even though I said (and I do) put a distance in between us, it doesn't mean I don't feel hurt. Not that serious-one-sided-love kind of hurt. Just that when every time I remind myself to step back, I get a small stab in my heart and pride also. Why pride? Because I'll start to think, is there something wrong with me? Am I always the kind of girl that can only be a buddy? (As close as the word 'buddy' sounds, in actual it is not that close. Why? Because I just said, there will always be a wall(built by yours truly). And you don't want to be the character of Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding, do you?)

Sigh. I guess it'll always be a mystery to me. No other solution but to held onto my beliefs.

Time Out

It's been a while. A really long while. Well, a lot of stuff happened... And it'll probably takes a while for me to tell the long story. I better cut it short. Hehehe... For your own good also what. No need read my boring stories so long... Lol.. XD

Here I go...

Around end of Jan:

I found out firsthand that rumor is a powerful thing. If used wrongly, I think world domination is possible. (inset: evil laugh) How did I find out? You see, at that time, there were rumors (I didn't witness it *touch wood* and I didn't hear it from someone who witness it personally, so that is considered rumors, right?) about sightings of orang minyak in one of my Uni's hostel. As the days goes by, the sightings became "incidents" and the locations increases too. My hostel was rumored to be one of the locations as well. Well, what do you think happened? Panic lah. Of course it's a bit absurd to be panic so fast since it's still all rumors. Then, a friend of mine said the committee people confirmed about it wor, panic level hit the roof. Not specifically mine, but generally lah. But since I did not hear the confirmation firsthand, I still feel a bit skeptical. But what is skeptical when all the people around you panicked and all finding ways to get out of hostel for awhile?
Can't beat them? Join them. So I spent a night sharing a bed with course mate, Cool (Thanks a lot for allowing me to stay! Was scared but chatting and gossiping with you was really fun! Hehehe...) and a week at my Penangite course mate, Arale's house (Thank you for sheltering me and PY! I like the ice cream from near your place! Hahaha). Hmmm, now that I think of it, it's not my style to act so rashly. Hahaha... But what would you do? Your logical brain is telling you it is absurd, but your superstitious side is getting some goosebumps... Then, it was time to go home! Yea!

3rd Feb:

Loads of stories to tell my KL friends. XD It was Cheryl's birthday, celebrated at Kim Gary. Too bad Donald was not around that day. Then, CNY shopping!

4th Feb:

More CNY shopping! XD Oh yea, I moved. So take note, my dear friends (OK, not many people phone me, but should inform lah..) my old house phone is not available anymore. Hahaha... Kitty sms me and asked why my phone is disconnected. Sorry, I didn't tell you earlier, my shopping buddy! XD Oh, this is also the reason I didn't blog... haven't apply new phone line at my new house... No Internet for a whole week... I survived! *applause*

7th, 8th, 9th Feb:

It's Chinese New Year!!! Gong Xi Fa Cai!! With thoughts of tests and project deadlines at the back of my mind, I celebrate this year's CNY with gusto. Lol... Since I have to be back to Penang on Sunday, of course I have to enjoy my CNY to the fullest. Hehehe... Didn't get to eat my favorite biscuit (kuih kapit) until I'm satisfied though. Mom tell me to bring a tin back, but I don't think this delicate biscuit can survive the journey. Oh well, eat lesser means lesser weight gain... Hahaha... Had another great day visiting houses of friends. Hahaha, mine included. Since it's new house wor, give me face and visit. Sorry about the wrong direction though. I just stayed there less than a week, plus I'm not really good with directions, hehehe... But it's really hilarious, me keep phoning Kitty and Donald asking if this is the right way to my house (I was in the most front car to lead the way) XD Lol...

10th - now:

Busy, busy, busy. Assignments! Tests! Reports! Projects! I want my CNY hols to be longer...



PS. Happy Belated Valentine's Day!! Guess what? Got a forwarded mail from Momo, Chinese Horoscope prediction: Tigers - It will be a quiet year for singles. XD I bet it will be true for me... ;P


PPS. Phew, what a 'short' long story... Lol...