Retrospect

Really, I should be doing my reports and projects instead of blogging. Hehehe.. However got to satisfy this sudden urge of writing. Just finished writing a quite big part of a fiction I'm doing. But the ideas were not coming out in a chronological order though. So, I have to finish the early part and links the fragment parts before I can post it. XD

Anyway, this is not the thing that triggered my desire to write. I was surfing around, checking my Friendster account (but actually I think there is nothing much to do in Friendster except it let me keep in touch with my friends, some who I have VERY VERY long time no meet and probably will never meet again) and so basically I was just doing something else instead of my reports and projects. Then I saw my old blog and couldn't resist reading it again. (I'm a sucker for the past) I realize there are a lot of things different back then. My style of writing has changed, more cautious on spelling and grammar. Well, it's not like I'm showing off what level of English that I have, I already get told that several times a day especially during group projects, where I'm ALWAYS the translator-cum-spelling checker, just because I get Band 5 for my MUET.

Sometimes I just want to lash out at them: Just because you got a band lower than me doesn't mean your English is bad and you can't write the reports. Use the report writing as a chance to improve la.. I didn't get good in English by telling other people to write for me. I just like reading books since I was small, and this helped me improve my English. Writing-wise la. Talking is still so-so. But that I guess is due to nerves, rather than limited vocabulary. Damn. Aren't I showing off by writing a whole paragraph of this??? But then, I admit, I'm still not satisfied with my English. It can be improved WAY much more. Like they say, if you don't use it, you lose it. I use mandarin more at Penang, not much opportunities for me to talk in English, except presentations. Which is not a good way for me to practice since I get SO nervous and all. And with all the studies and projects, I don't have the privilege to read fiction books at a leisure pace. Or money to buy them. Haha.. I read my Harry Potter in the bus, on my way home. It's a good distraction, for the journey lasts around 5 hours. So, using correct spelling in my blog is my way to practice. And because last time I got so used to typing shorten words like u, nid, dun, etc in my blog and smses, that I wrote them in my exam essays. Of course I notice the mistakes and corrected them, but imagine the minutes that I can save from crossing out the word I just wrote wrongly and my essays will be more neater with all the criss and cuts everywhere. Oh, no. Let's not get sidetracked for too long. Telling grandmother stories, like what my coursemate like to say about herself.

What was I saying? Oh, my old blog. Yea, another thing is, there used to be more people reading my blog than now. :( Does that means my new style is not good? Not appealing? A post from s0hp0h's blog reminds me of the quiz I took. Remember the addiction I had for quizzes? s0hp0h wrote about the reason she write her blog is not because she want other people to read it. SHE wants to read it herself. Remember my quiz result was I'm a "look-at-me" blogger? Previously I said I don't think I am. Now, on a second thought, I think, honestly, it's true, I AM a look-at-me blogger. See how I complain about no one (except s0hp0h) reading my blog? Even though I "advertised" it in my msn messenger. And how long I choose the perfect blogskin? And how I post pictures so that people won't get bored and sleepy just by reading my words? Haha...

Thirdly, my old blog seems to have more "me" in it. I poured more emotions into it. I'm not saying I don't love this current blog. What I mean is the posts are more personal, "more me". Maybe this is why nobody notice my current blog. *sniff sniff* Hahaha... This caused me to decide that from now on, I will write for myself, not for other people. And I will not hold all my emotions into my heart. I'll loosen up and I'll smile, laugh, cry, sob, beat, bash, kick in my blog. I will (and should) not care about what people think of what I wrote. Will I be able to do it? I sincerely hope so. So, that's all for today. Ish, the line has disconnected already. I'll save this in notepad and post it tomorrow morning. Good night, sweet dreams!