Dear God, are you playing with me? When at long last I gathered up all my courage to face it, you put an obstacle in front of me. Timing problem is it? Well, sorry about my timing, I don't have much courage (despite people think that I do, maybe my acting is good for Oscar, haha..) and to finally persuade myself to do it, I need HUGE courage and determination, so I took quite some time, I know. But if you keep make me delay, I can't hold my courage any longer. I know I have been the one who have been delaying it for so damn long, so now you are punishing me is it? I want to cry, but cannot, because once I start crying, I know I would have lost it. Like a tap being turned. And the courage would leave me.
I'm tired. Gathering courage is not easy for me, mentally I am exhausted. Physically will be affected by the mental, so I guess it won't be long the physical gets tired. Why? WHY? Why when I finally able to bring myself to do it, something will stop me. I don't know what I should do anymore. Give up? No, I MUST NOT even think about giving up, or else the courage will leave me again. I've been chicken-hearted for so long, I WAS glad that I finally decided to face it. But oh no, you just HAD to pour water on me.
Try again? Would you stop me again this time?
My life = A game = A drama = A joke = A toy
PS. Sorry, please don't ask me what is the thing I'm talking about. Nobody but only me will know. Nobody.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Weakened but better...
I better post something or else you would think I'm still sick. Hahahaha... I'm much better, thanks to sinseh and chinese herbal medicines. Luckily I went home last weekend despite having to rush my assignments. With Mom and Dad's nursing, I'm back to healthy me again, albeit still weak and prone to headaches. And I'm rushing my assignments. Hahaha... Did nothing last weekend, lie on sofa, watch Astro. Feel so guilty to my groupmates. Pai seh, and thanks a lot for taking over my part of task! Thank you for being understanding. Fever is no play play, plus vomit is painful. So now actually is curi-ing tulang from my work to blog. Hahaha...
Actually I have loads to blog about sometimes. It's just that some content is for some eyes only. Hahahaha.. Yea, I want to bitch about people. Hahahahaha... So, today is just to drop by to say hi, thanks for still checking my blog! Especially s0hp0h and wwh. Talking about update, woi, wwh, you also no update long time ar. Hahaha...
Sometimes I wonder how true a friend can be? How sincere? How can one be called a true friend? Hmm.. next post maybe I'll continue this.. back to work now..
PS. I miss home...
Actually I have loads to blog about sometimes. It's just that some content is for some eyes only. Hahahaha.. Yea, I want to bitch about people. Hahahahaha... So, today is just to drop by to say hi, thanks for still checking my blog! Especially s0hp0h and wwh. Talking about update, woi, wwh, you also no update long time ar. Hahaha...
Sometimes I wonder how true a friend can be? How sincere? How can one be called a true friend? Hmm.. next post maybe I'll continue this.. back to work now..
PS. I miss home...
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Ill & paranoid
Again I've not blog for awhile. Haha... What's happening in my life that make me so lazy busy to blog? Well, same old same old stuff. Just that this semester I don't have final exams. *unenthusiastically* Yay. What's so great about no exams? Projects and thesis sucks. Because I'm a lazy, unmotivated, lost-without-directions/orders person. Haha. And oh, I have to stay here for the project during semester break. >_< Give me a break, I had no long hols since last year. :(
And oh, I've been having this sore throat for so damn long that I'm starting to become paranoid and think that I might caught something that is incurable. @_@ That makes me even more scared and anxious. Which makes me hard to get a good sleep at night. Because my mind would start thinking about how impossible can become possible and the more I worry, the more frustrated I become and I don't feel like doing my project and paper. I'm pathetic. Blogging about this makes me look more pathetic. Health is wealth, if I can have a next life, I hope I'll remember to take care of my health WAAAY younger.
Is it the pills or my sickness comes with sleepiness, lethargy? Or is it just the lazy me? Hahaha... I don't know what to think anymore. If I can, I don't want to think anymore. But I couldn't. Why I can't be like others who are happy-go-lucky??? Because I think that ignorance is just temporary bliss...
PS. I wish Blogger have password-protected feature. Then I can complain about some people being so lovey-dovey that I have to avoid watching them so that I won't get goosebumps... ;P Or maybe this illness is making me sensitive to it. Hahaha...
And oh, I've been having this sore throat for so damn long that I'm starting to become paranoid and think that I might caught something that is incurable. @_@ That makes me even more scared and anxious. Which makes me hard to get a good sleep at night. Because my mind would start thinking about how impossible can become possible and the more I worry, the more frustrated I become and I don't feel like doing my project and paper. I'm pathetic. Blogging about this makes me look more pathetic. Health is wealth, if I can have a next life, I hope I'll remember to take care of my health WAAAY younger.
Is it the pills or my sickness comes with sleepiness, lethargy? Or is it just the lazy me? Hahaha... I don't know what to think anymore. If I can, I don't want to think anymore. But I couldn't. Why I can't be like others who are happy-go-lucky??? Because I think that ignorance is just temporary bliss...
PS. I wish Blogger have password-protected feature. Then I can complain about some people being so lovey-dovey that I have to avoid watching them so that I won't get goosebumps... ;P Or maybe this illness is making me sensitive to it. Hahaha...
Saturday, September 13, 2008
My 20 weeks Journey
My last day of training. I could probably tell you all about it until the cows come home. But then you'll probably bored to death before you finish reading. Hahaha... Someone told me that I talk too "detailed-ly". I mean, when I talk about something, it's full with details. No offence taken, because I think so too. Hahahaha... I think I really would bored someone to sleep or until they get too annoyed and reprimand me or avoid me next time I see them (or punch me in the face to shut me up, lol). Hahaha...
This someone said is not that I cannot tell people about all my stuff, or lie to people, just tell what is sufficient and decline to talk more about it if I think I have said enough. The thing is, sometimes I just can't shut my mouth. Hahahaha... Nonono, I must not be in denial. So from now on, my posts will have lesser details. Hahaha... I'll just add more of my laughs in it to make it longer. Hahahaha...
No lah, sometimes there are stuff that is personal to you, and blogging doesn't mean tell it to everyone. Blogging to me is about sharing a little about myself and also to record down the moments in my life, so that I can read back what that I've done or accomplish and tell it to my grandchildrens. Bwahahahaha... Thanks for that someone to remind me that it is not necessary for me to tell ALL or lie, just say NO if I don't want to talk about it. Hahaha...
So my last day, it was a great, marvelous, happy day for me. Oh by the way, the last day is yesterday, in case you are wondering. Oh no, no details, no details. Hahahahaha... On that day itself, I was feeling all the warmth from the colleagues (whom I'm close with lah, not the whole dept, lol) and too busy to feel sad. It finally hit me this morning, that I no longer will wake up so early, ride van to office, nap on my desk (I arrive very very early, hahaha), kepo around, chat with colleagues when I'm free, get bullied by some (lol), joke and laugh with them, eat with them, hang out with Xifu and Ximou (as the name implies, my mentor, hahaha), oh my, I missed them already! So yeah, it only dawned on me that I won't get to do all that liao. Huhuhuhu....
Ah, but I had a lot of fun, so I should not be sad, hehehe... Thinking back, maybe God really had planned it that way. I really didn't plan to intern at Penang (being a frequent "homesick-er", KL should be my choice :P). But then I didn't expect to have very few offer from companies too. I had doubts too, during the first month of the internship. Did I make the right choice? Am I strange to stay here instead of going home? Many (MANY) people asked my why I choose to stay here. I guess that shaken my confidence of my decision. Even though Dad was more eager to have me home, but Mom said I can stay if I want to. That was all the support I need. Hehehe...
Initially I had to keep assuring myself that I can do it, I can stay here and work, I can learn to be more independent because I was doubting my decision so much. Luckily for me, worklife started to be not so bad, I do enjoy it. And I begun to adapt to living outside of campus. I guess, with a positive outlook, all is good and will be good. Sure, once in a while there will be a bump, but with a bit effort, you can pass through it and be proud that you succeed. Hehehe... It really has been a great experience. If I had to choose again, I would choose the same thing. Hahaha... As time goes by, I learn to enjoy more and more of all the things that happened. Be it a lunch or a chat or a small but kind gesture from a colleague, I felt happy and content with life. I used to wish for a lot of things because I was not content with my life, I wished that things are different or better. Now I realized that life is how you think it is. Wishing for something better or resent or keep complaining about your life will just hide the silver linings. By appreciate everything and think of the good side of the situations, my life can be much happier and satisfying.
Oh my, now I'm being an annoying philosopher. HAHAHA.... No mah, want to share what is the most important thing I learned mah. Hahaha... And it is not just for work, it can be applied generally. Like since I didn't get to see my family as often as I want, I appreciate every trip back to hometown more. Getting calls from home is great too! It's sad to miss important events, but it can't be helped, getting depressed about it won't make it better. Hahahaha..
So, enough of life lesson talk. Let's talk about my last day. Went to a restuarant opposite Queensbay there for lunch (Friday 2 hours lunch, hehehehe). Since is my farewell lunch, I didn't need to pay. Hahaha.. But they say I ordered too cheap liao wor. But I'm not the type of person who would order the most expensive thing in the menu just because they are paying mah. Hahhahaha, see, I'm such a good person. Hahahaha... Even though it's "cheap", I don't mind. Having them eat with me is very give face to me liao. Hahaha... I got a feeling this post will get mushy at the later part. Hahaha... Then back to office. Since is last day already, no work lah. Bwahahahahaha... I start to clean up my place as you probably know, I'm a messy person. Hahahaha...
Oh yeah, the night before my last day, I cooked all night long. Hahaha... I made caramel custard to give all the colleagues as a token of thanks. Hahahaha... silly, I know. But well, I just want to give something as a leaving "gift". Other colleagues who left also gave something on their last day. Most gave ice cream (from the canteen downstairs, haha, so I thought something homemade would be nicer and more special. Hahahaha... I'm just a sucker for wanting to be unique and stand-out sometimes. Before this, I already tried cooking it for my housemates, and I get thumbs-up from them. Hehehe, so my caramel custard won't memalukan me. Hahaha... So I spent the afternoon giving out the pudding while thanking them.
Photo-taking already done on Thursday (haha) because one of the other trainees have to leave 1 day earlier. Mostly took groupshots because not only me is trainee mah. Hahaha... There are 5 of us (including me). And not my camera mah. Hehe. I wished I took more "pair" photos though. Oh well, better than none.
Actually in the morning, there was this prank that made me a bit boh mood. Hahaha.. This is the "bully" that I get loh. Hahaha... But my anger sort of lessen in the afternoon. I begun to laugh at it also. Hahaha... Is sort of, I "mengaku kalah" and "enjoy" the bullying while I am still here. Hahaha... Then they surprised me with a gift. Lol. It's a piggy head, the kind that you can squeeze here and there. Haha... And a "card" from them. Hehehe... I was really surprised and touched. (Ok, I'm getting mushy now, haha) It is really nice to receive a gift, even if something small. It's the thought that counts, eh? Hahaha.. I didn't get to thank them properly though, maybe is because I worried I might really tear up if I hug them or something. Hehehe.. Just hope my thanks expressed what I felt. Instead of tearing up, I smiled all day long. Because I was really happy. And still are! Haha..
Well, that's all. Boy, it's an extremely loooong post, and you still want more details??? Hahaha... From now on, I'll let "private" be private, "personal" be personal. No offence, but I'm entitled to some privacy, right? Hehehe... Plus, I don't see YOU telling me so much about your life. Bwahahaha... And I respect that. :P
This someone said is not that I cannot tell people about all my stuff, or lie to people, just tell what is sufficient and decline to talk more about it if I think I have said enough. The thing is, sometimes I just can't shut my mouth. Hahahaha... Nonono, I must not be in denial. So from now on, my posts will have lesser details. Hahaha... I'll just add more of my laughs in it to make it longer. Hahahaha...
No lah, sometimes there are stuff that is personal to you, and blogging doesn't mean tell it to everyone. Blogging to me is about sharing a little about myself and also to record down the moments in my life, so that I can read back what that I've done or accomplish and tell it to my grandchildrens. Bwahahahaha... Thanks for that someone to remind me that it is not necessary for me to tell ALL or lie, just say NO if I don't want to talk about it. Hahaha...
So my last day, it was a great, marvelous, happy day for me. Oh by the way, the last day is yesterday, in case you are wondering. Oh no, no details, no details. Hahahahaha... On that day itself, I was feeling all the warmth from the colleagues (whom I'm close with lah, not the whole dept, lol) and too busy to feel sad. It finally hit me this morning, that I no longer will wake up so early, ride van to office, nap on my desk (I arrive very very early, hahaha), kepo around, chat with colleagues when I'm free, get bullied by some (lol), joke and laugh with them, eat with them, hang out with Xifu and Ximou (as the name implies, my mentor, hahaha), oh my, I missed them already! So yeah, it only dawned on me that I won't get to do all that liao. Huhuhuhu....
Ah, but I had a lot of fun, so I should not be sad, hehehe... Thinking back, maybe God really had planned it that way. I really didn't plan to intern at Penang (being a frequent "homesick-er", KL should be my choice :P). But then I didn't expect to have very few offer from companies too. I had doubts too, during the first month of the internship. Did I make the right choice? Am I strange to stay here instead of going home? Many (MANY) people asked my why I choose to stay here. I guess that shaken my confidence of my decision. Even though Dad was more eager to have me home, but Mom said I can stay if I want to. That was all the support I need. Hehehe...
Initially I had to keep assuring myself that I can do it, I can stay here and work, I can learn to be more independent because I was doubting my decision so much. Luckily for me, worklife started to be not so bad, I do enjoy it. And I begun to adapt to living outside of campus. I guess, with a positive outlook, all is good and will be good. Sure, once in a while there will be a bump, but with a bit effort, you can pass through it and be proud that you succeed. Hehehe... It really has been a great experience. If I had to choose again, I would choose the same thing. Hahaha... As time goes by, I learn to enjoy more and more of all the things that happened. Be it a lunch or a chat or a small but kind gesture from a colleague, I felt happy and content with life. I used to wish for a lot of things because I was not content with my life, I wished that things are different or better. Now I realized that life is how you think it is. Wishing for something better or resent or keep complaining about your life will just hide the silver linings. By appreciate everything and think of the good side of the situations, my life can be much happier and satisfying.
Oh my, now I'm being an annoying philosopher. HAHAHA.... No mah, want to share what is the most important thing I learned mah. Hahaha... And it is not just for work, it can be applied generally. Like since I didn't get to see my family as often as I want, I appreciate every trip back to hometown more. Getting calls from home is great too! It's sad to miss important events, but it can't be helped, getting depressed about it won't make it better. Hahahaha..
So, enough of life lesson talk. Let's talk about my last day. Went to a restuarant opposite Queensbay there for lunch (Friday 2 hours lunch, hehehehe). Since is my farewell lunch, I didn't need to pay. Hahaha.. But they say I ordered too cheap liao wor. But I'm not the type of person who would order the most expensive thing in the menu just because they are paying mah. Hahhahaha, see, I'm such a good person. Hahahaha... Even though it's "cheap", I don't mind. Having them eat with me is very give face to me liao. Hahaha... I got a feeling this post will get mushy at the later part. Hahaha... Then back to office. Since is last day already, no work lah. Bwahahahahaha... I start to clean up my place as you probably know, I'm a messy person. Hahahaha...
Oh yeah, the night before my last day, I cooked all night long. Hahaha... I made caramel custard to give all the colleagues as a token of thanks. Hahahaha... silly, I know. But well, I just want to give something as a leaving "gift". Other colleagues who left also gave something on their last day. Most gave ice cream (from the canteen downstairs, haha, so I thought something homemade would be nicer and more special. Hahahaha... I'm just a sucker for wanting to be unique and stand-out sometimes. Before this, I already tried cooking it for my housemates, and I get thumbs-up from them. Hehehe, so my caramel custard won't memalukan me. Hahaha... So I spent the afternoon giving out the pudding while thanking them.
Photo-taking already done on Thursday (haha) because one of the other trainees have to leave 1 day earlier. Mostly took groupshots because not only me is trainee mah. Hahaha... There are 5 of us (including me). And not my camera mah. Hehe. I wished I took more "pair" photos though. Oh well, better than none.
Actually in the morning, there was this prank that made me a bit boh mood. Hahaha.. This is the "bully" that I get loh. Hahaha... But my anger sort of lessen in the afternoon. I begun to laugh at it also. Hahaha... Is sort of, I "mengaku kalah" and "enjoy" the bullying while I am still here. Hahaha... Then they surprised me with a gift. Lol. It's a piggy head, the kind that you can squeeze here and there. Haha... And a "card" from them. Hehehe... I was really surprised and touched. (Ok, I'm getting mushy now, haha) It is really nice to receive a gift, even if something small. It's the thought that counts, eh? Hahaha.. I didn't get to thank them properly though, maybe is because I worried I might really tear up if I hug them or something. Hehehe.. Just hope my thanks expressed what I felt. Instead of tearing up, I smiled all day long. Because I was really happy. And still are! Haha..
Well, that's all. Boy, it's an extremely loooong post, and you still want more details??? Hahaha... From now on, I'll let "private" be private, "personal" be personal. No offence, but I'm entitled to some privacy, right? Hehehe... Plus, I don't see YOU telling me so much about your life. Bwahahaha... And I respect that. :P
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